I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
