Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
