You really coming over, don't trick.
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
