"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize