i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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