I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
