So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
