I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize