so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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