It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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