Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
