ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Randomize
