he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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