I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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