my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
