Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
