Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
