Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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