So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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