Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Couch. On fire.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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