the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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