i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
