Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
