I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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