He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
