I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
