Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize