I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
