halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
