this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
