I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
