I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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