hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize