Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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