ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
