I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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