He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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