I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
