I love black thongs
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
