If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
