shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
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