So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
