At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
