lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
