at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
