areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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