he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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