I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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