She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
