this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
