I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
cat food counts as protein by the way
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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