What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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