the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
