was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
