I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
