If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
