How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
