I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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