Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
