3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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