Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
