1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
