Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
