What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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