so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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