She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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