Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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