So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
