I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
