woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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