i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
