Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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