I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize