are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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