that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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