I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
