Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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