The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
