I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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